Topic 27 of 39: car jokes
Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (11:39) |
Paul Terry Walhus (terry)
Car Jokes.
13 responses total.
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 1 of 13: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Oct 18, 1998 (11:39) * 52 lines
Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX - I am impotent
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up people
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell
them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the
government
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge 600 - Will that be paper or plastic?
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change
lanes when I pull up behind them
Ford Pickup - I watch professional wrestling.
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.
Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than
no convertible at all
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports.
Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the
shop 280 days per year.
Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler
Mazda RX-7 - I couldn't afford a Toyota Supra.
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Porsche - I have more money than brains.
Porshce Turbo Carrera - I think it would be really cool to die in a
wreck.
Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Range Rover - I am a rich yuppie pretending I'm driving across the
Serengeti
Chevy Blazer - I am a rich yuppie pretending I'm driving a Patton
tank
Suburban - I am a rich yuppie in a real tank. Get out of my way or
die.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanan is a liberal
Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 2 of 13: Autumn Moore (autumn) * Tue, Oct 20, 1998 (09:11) * 1 lines
My daughter is giving me concerned looks because of how I'm cackling at the computer screen!! Those are hysterical! I'll have to email them to a bunch of friends. But--no Jeep or Audi? Waaaah! I'll never know the subconscious statement I'm trying to make.
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 3 of 13: Stacey Vura (stacey) * Thu, Dec 31, 1998 (10:33) * 2 lines
*CACKLE*
(and what about a Subaru???)
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 4 of 13: Marcia (MarciaH) * Tue, Feb 8, 2000 (18:44) * 1 lines
Definitely Subaru. Specifically a Forester...?
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 5 of 13: Sam Blob (AlFor) * Thu, Feb 14, 2002 (20:25) * 125 lines
Acura - Names are boring, I like letters.
RSX - LETTERS make it so much cooler than the Integra!
CL - So much cheaper than a Mercedes CLK - OR - Nice anaesthetic, just like my old Legend Coupe.
TL - Driver's seat is so much like the sofa at home...
RL - See TL, but more upscale sofa & home...
NSX - Ferraris are so uncomfortable! The Accord of mid-engine exotics...
Aston Martin - I have enough money to fund the British Secret Service!
DB7 Vantage - This is such a refined car! Not like those crass Ferraris those other arms dealers drive...
Vanquish - MUCH more power. I guess diversifying into cocaine was worth it after all...
Audi - Audi do to you too!
TT - The name says it all
A4 - It's not a badge engineered Passat! A Passat is a stripped-down A4...
A6 - Europe's answer to the Camry.
A8 - SO WHAT if it's not a Mercedes! At least it's good in snow...
S4/S6/S8 - I couldn't fit my kids in the Porsche.
Bentley - I refuse to write about Bentleys because the fact that Volkswagen now owns Bentley PISSES ME OFF!!!!! BUGGER!BUGGER!BUGGER!BUGGER!BUGGER!BUGGER!
BMW - Big Money Worries!
Z3 Coupe - Germany's answer to the AMC Gremlin, except that the Gremlin had rear seats...
M Coupe - Fast enough to outrun the laughter of the people rolling on the ground and pointing at it...
Z3 Roadster - Miatas aren't expensive enough.
M Roadster - Z3s aren't expensive enough (or fast enough...)
3-Series - This is all the BMW I can afford! - OR - I hate front drive! When are they going to make Chevettes again?
M3 - Just the car for having your kids wave at that Corvette you just passed...
5-Series - For guys who want an E-Class but just want to be "different"
7-Series - How do you say "pimp" in German?
Z8 - See "Aston Martin" in general and DB7 Vantage in particular.
Buick - This isn't your father's Buick. Your father had a GS with a 455 under the hood...
Century - ...and this is DEFINITELY nothing like that...
Regal - When you compare this with the Regal Grand Nationals and Regal Ts from the '80s, you'll see that the current Regal IS a joke!
LeSabre - Too painful to be funny
Park Avenue - zzz *huh* wazzup? aw nothin' zzzzzzz
Park Avenue Ultra - So it's supercharged. Big F-N deal!
Cadillac - Fins made 'em disticntive. What makes 'em distinctive now?
CTS - DUCK! It's the new Catera! Shy... with a capital T!
DeVille - AARP-mobile
ElDorado - place your joke here, I cAn't think of one...
Seville - Heavier & more expensive than Eldo, but the cost and weight buys back doors.
Chevrolet - See the USA in your Chevrolet, but don't go armed; when you see what both the USA and Chevrolet have decayed into, you might just shoot yourself...
Prizm - An AMERICAN car! This Prizm doesn't distorts the light enough for people to not see that it's a Toyota.
Cavalier - makes Chevette look exciting.
Malibu - Oh come ON! REAL Malibus have 350s!
Impala - SICK joke! Junior Johnson wouldn't touch THIS with a 10' pole!
Monte Carlo - See "Malibu", only the current Monte Carlo has as big a class deficit compared to the originals as a power deficit.
Camaro - don't make fun of the dying! FAR cooler than the Mustang, yet it starves to death. WHY???
Corvette - Viagra on wheels.
Chrysler - Spreschen Sie Deutsch?
PT Cruiser - Amazingly enough, if you cruise for PT in this, you might actually get some...
Sebring Sedan - ...or, for more money, you can get less utility and FAR less potential for getting PT...
Sebring Coupe - Won't get much PT with this either, it's quite PT-ful...
Sebring Convertible - I'm too busy saying "WOW!" to think of a joke (not even a PT joke...)
Concorde - naming this sedan after the fastest passenger aircraft in operation today is a joke in itself...
Prowler - Plymouth's last stand. Probably better at cruising for PT than the PT Cruiser, but the ride would be less comfortable...
300M - Nice for a front-driver, can't wait for the Hemi-engined, rear-drive 300N, though...
Daewoo - Just the thing for someone who wants to spend as little as possible for something with a warranty. I think I'll wait until there are Certified Used ones before I buy... Lanos, Nubira and Leganza, in order of decreasing cheapness...
Dodge - what you have to be on to want one of these cars...
Neon - Not too bright, is it?
Stratus Sedan/Coupe: See Sebring Sedan/Coupe. Cirrus became Sebring Sedan, Avenger became Stratus Coupe. I guess Chrysler is laying off names as well as workers...
Intrepid - The battleship groans from the embarrassment of the association, as does the ghost of Sir William Stephenson...
Viper - See "Corvette", but bigger.
Ferrari - The No. 1 reason for drug dealing, embezzlement, etc.
360 Modena - I still have a few scruples left...
360 Spyder - Fewer than before...
450M/GT/GTA - I'm still a nice guy; look! Back seats!
550 Maranello - Hi! My name is Faust! What's yours?
Ford - rhymes with "bored"... coincidence?
Escort ZX2 - headed for oblivion...
Focus - ...and here's the reason why!
Taurus - America's answer to the Honda Accord. zzzzzzzz...
Crown Victoria - One of three flavours of the Last Big American Car. This one is vanilla...
Mustang - Living proof that attention to detail and structural integrity are better bets than good looks and power. Plain-to-ugly car destined to outlive the faster and better-looking F-cars (Camaro/Firebird)
Thunderbird - Suddenly it's 1957! And what could possibly be wrong with that?
Honda - O.K., bias kicks in here. I own a Honda. It's fourteen years old, has two wheels, and leaks oil like a Triumph built on a Friday afternoon in the Seventies, but I love it anyway...
Insight - How green I am!/How green I am!/Nobody knows/How green I am!
Civic - For people who need a car but don't really want one...
Accord - For people who need a bigger car but don't really want one...
S2000 - Z3s don't have enough revs...
Hyundai - See Daewoo, but with more advertizing (and more models).
Accent - See Civic... please!!!
Elantra - Korean for "Accord"
Tiburon - The main reason why the Escort ZX2 still exists. More expensive and worse-looking than teh ZX2, yet still sells. What does this say about the ZX2?
Sonata - Beethoven rolls in his grave...
XG350 - Lexus and Mercedes have a lot to worry about, but this isn't an example...
Infiniti - Where I'll go to to get AWAY from this line!
G20 - Why, when there's a Sentra?
I35 - Why, when there's a Maxima?
Q45 - Why, oh WHY, would I buy any Q45 other than the original? This third-generation is as bizarrely eccentric as the second generation was bloody soft!
Jaguar - from British Leyland to British Lincoln.
X-Type - Why build Ford Contours in America when you can build 4wd, leather appointed versions in England and sell them for more money?
S-Type - add an L to the front and you have LS, as in Lincoln LS...
XJ Series - Would be the last real Jaguars if real Jaguars had V-8s (they don't...)
XK Series - Don't be too surprised if the next Lincoln Mark is based on this...
Kia - See Daewoo and Hyundai, but with even MORE advertizing than Hyundai. Rio/Cinco, Optima and Spectra this time. Cheaper wagon than Daewoo.
Lamborghini Diablo - "Allow me to introduce myself, I am a man of wealth and taste..."
Lexus - Nippophiles, UNITE! You have nothing to lose but your stars (and propellors...)
ES300 - glorified Camry.
IS300 - glorious 3-Series alternative...
GS300/GS430 - see above, but for "3-" read "5-"
LS430 - Somewhere between E and S, between 5- and 7-...
SC430 - So you thought it was dead, didn't you? But the Galaxie Starliner has clawed its way out of the grave, and has stalked and devoured the once beautiful SC400...
Gotta go to bed; will start again at Lincoln later...
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 6 of 13: Sam Blob (AlFor) * Tue, Feb 19, 2002 (20:54) * 35 lines
Once again tired and should go to bed, but a few more:
Lincoln - I'm a Ford guy! I can't buy a Cadillac!
Continental - zzzzz...hmm...oh, yes, bigger, more luxurious Taurus... zzzzz...
LS - Interesting fact: The V-6 and V-8 versions of the LS were to have been known as the LS6 and LS8 respectively, but Ford and Toyota came to an agreement that the Lincoln LS would not have numbers in its model designation and the Toyota T100 would be renamed the Tundra, thereby avoiding the Lincoln's confusion with the Lexus LS430 and the Toyota's confusion with the F150.
Lincoln Town Car - when you absolutely, positively got to have the biggest mother-f****** car on the block, accept no substitutes! (apologies to Elmore Leonard, Quentin Tarantino and Samuel L. Jackson...)
Mazda - Zoom-zoom... or is that boing-boing?
MX-5 Miata - A new MGB! And it doesn't leak oil, break down or fry its lights! What good is that?
Millenia - with the Miller Cycle in the S version; I guess the base version gets Miller Lite...
Protegé - Maybe they should rename the Millenia and call it the Mentor...
Mazda 626 - A 626 joke would never work. In order for a joke to work, pwople have to know what you're talking about...
Mercedes-Benz - The car for those with Tiffany-twisted minds.
C230 Sport Coupe - M-B chasing young women like a dirty old man. For those who like the Acura RSX but would really rather have a 3-pointed star...
C-Class - I can't afford an E-Class...
E-Class - I CAN! Nyah-nyah-ni-nya-nyaahhh!!!
S-Class - E-Class? How dreadfully common!
CLK - 6-series? What 6-series?
SLK - An unsuccessful gene-splicing experiment involving a Mazda Miata and a Ford Galaxie Skyliner...
CL - An S-Class for bachelors.
SL - Don't I look dashing in this two-ton two-seat car...
Mercury - Wot? No Turnpike Cruiser?
Cougar - This hot Contour/Mystique/Mondeo based coupe is headed for oblivion! BUGGER!!!
Sable - Yes the Taurus is nice but this is a MERCURY!
Grand Marquis - Same argument as above except that this time the Ford in question is a Crown Vic and the argument actually makes sense! (The Grand Marquis just looks so much cooler than the Crown Vic..)
Bedtime! Gotta go again!
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 7 of 13: Sam Blob (AlFor) * Tue, Feb 19, 2002 (20:56) * 1 lines
See? I messed up the bold symbols! I told you it was bedtime!
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 8 of 13: Sam Blob (AlFor) * Tue, Feb 19, 2002 (20:58) * 1 lines
WTF????
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 9 of 13: Marcia (MarciaH) * Tue, Feb 19, 2002 (21:33) * 1 lines
This stuff is too good for prime time. I am laughing hysterically at the foreign musical manufacturers we are all playing! Sam, You're the best!
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 10 of 13: Marcia (MarciaH) * Tue, Feb 19, 2002 (21:36) * 1 lines
I can't wait till you get to the Cobra. The Shelby line Cobras. I know a guy with two - one blue-printed and he wants to meet me??! he cranks that up to speed and turns it loose on the California highways. If I get into one, aloha!
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 11 of 13: Sam Blob (AlFor) * Wed, Feb 20, 2002 (17:08) * 1 lines
Sorry, Marcia, I'm doing the cars that are currently in production. Then again, if I remember correctly, Carroll Shelby titled more Cobras than he made, so he's now making some brand new mid-60s Cobras... Then again, anything said about the Viper would apply to the Cobra, I guess.
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 12 of 13: Sam Blob (AlFor) * Wed, Feb 20, 2002 (18:11) * 37 lines
I don't know enough about the new Maseratis to make fun of them yet.
Mini Cooper - As close as the EPA will allow us to get to the REAL THING! (Ain't nothin' like the REAL THING, ba-by...)
Mitsubishi - Ho-hum.
Lancer - see Civic
Galant - see Accord
Eclipse - see RSX
Diamante - see TL
Morgan +8 Just what I wanted! Mobile furniture! The only "modern" car I can think of that you'd Pledge every week...
Nissan - Before Lexus, before Acura, there was Nissan (name changed from Datsun...)
Sentra - the SE-R has returned to challenge the Civic Si! Let the games begin!
Altima - this Accord challenger is not as game...
Maxima - Buick Regal GS buyers BEWARE! Maxima has more power, less weight & a lower price!
Oldsmobile - America's oldest surviving marque won't survive much longer. Why did GM decide to can Oldsmobile? No Oldsmobile jokes here.
Panoz Esperante - An American Lotus! And it doesn't break when you breathe on it! Wondrful!
Pontiac - With the last interesting Pontiac going out of production at the end of the 2002 model year, GM could have killed off Pontiac instead of Oldsmobile...
Sunfire - GM tries (and fails) to build a RSX.
Grand Am - All the rip-roaring speed of the Grand Prix combined with the decorum and demeanour of the Trans-Am...
Grand Prix - Pontiac builds excitement? They must build it in something else...
Bonneville - ...not in this, either...
Firebird - HERE'S the excitement that Pontiac builds! But not for much longer; wonder if they're going to give the last one to Burt Reynolds?
Porsche - Now THESE guys build excitement!
Boxster - ...or at least they used to!
911 - not really; this isn't a REAL 911. Neither was the car it replaced, nor the car that one replaced, which was 85% all new. Porsche is just too CHICKEN to change the model designation...
911 Turbo - Ferrari? What Ferrari? Oh! That car we just passed! O.K. ...
Will start with SAAb next time...
Topic 27 of 39 [cars]: car jokes
Response 13 of 13: Sam Blob (AlFor) * Sat, Mar 30, 2002 (11:22) * 50 lines
SAAb - Svenska Aeroplan Atkiebolaget: Swedish Airplane Company. However, like British Aerospace, they considered their car division to be an unreasonable burden. Unlike BAe, they only sold half the subsidiary (to GM)
9-3 - GM-ized 900. Nice convertible.
9-5 - GM-ized 9000. Nice wagon.
Saturn - GM's bold experiment fizzled into just another division.
Coupe - No, it does NOT look like an RSX, not even if I squint...
S-series - Wouldn't mind an SW1, otherwise they can have it.
L-Series - American-built Opels (like all "small" GM cars are going to be...)
Subaru - The accidental inventors of the SUW (sport-utility wagon)
Impreza - Impressive.
WRX - Impressive on steroids.
Legacy - 4wd Accord
Outback - The car that changed Subaru's fortunes (and Paul Hogan's...)
Suzuki - What do BMW, Honda and Suzuki have in common? They're all bike makers that started making cars...
Esteem - ...and I think they're going to follow in Isuzu's footsteps and stick to SUVs (and bikes, of course...)
Toyota - Well, you asked for it...
Avalon - Trying to be a Buick. Meanwhile, this is also what Buicks are trying to be...
Camry - Amazing achievement! More boring than Accord!!
Camry Solara - How to make a Camry interesting: Chop the top..
Celica - Yet another car trying to be an RSX.
Corolla - See "Civic", but more so.
Echo - Hellohellohelloehello Havehavehavehave youyouyouyou seenseenseenseen mymymymy TercelTercelTercelTercel anywhereanywhereanywhereanywere ?
MR2 Spyder - For sportbikers who fell down once too often...
Prius - Toyota shows some Insight...
Volkswagen - The People's Car, for peoples wid cash!
New Beetle - A joke in and of itself. REAL Beetles have air-cooled flat-4 engines driving the rear wheels from behind. This travesty has about as much class as a Rolls-Royce bonnet on a Beetle (a REAL Beetle).
Golf - Nice hatchback.
GTI - Fast hatchback.
Cabrio - Nice convertible.
Jetta - Nice sedan.
Passat - VW plays Chevrolet to Audi A4's Pontiac...
Volvo - Latin for "I roll" now equals "Puko" - I puke! At least this is not another indentity killed by Ford; Volvo committed suicide before Ford bought the remains. Note that the Volvo symbol is the symbol for "man", thereby showing the sorry state of man today...
C70 - Another front-drive luxo-coupe. Who needs it?
S40/V40 - A badge-engineered Mitsubishi.
S60 - More aero Euro front-drive crap.
V70 - Even the wagons are trying to be Euro-chic! Puke!
S80 - I really hope the Volvo marque fails soon. They deserve it!
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