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Topic 47 of 96: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war

Fri, Sep 21, 2001 (18:17) | Paul Terry Walhus (terry)
How do you deal with this crisis in psychological and emotion terms? And how are your kids and family doing? Can you cope with this? Can you offer ways to help others to cope with this?
10 responses total.

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 1 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Thu, Oct 11, 2001 (09:59) * 175 lines 
The Alternative War Works

fromJAWW Public Relations Dept.

A "different" kind of war machine.

"This will be a different type of war I a different type of enemy than we're
used to."
Q Pres. George W. Bush

"We have to understand it's going to be a different kind of war."
Q Sen. Joe Lieberman

For the past three years, the popular culture of the United States has been
lavishing more than due praise upon "The Greatest Generation," those brave
and duty-bound men and women who so valiantly defeated the forces of
European and Asian fascism during the Second World War. In light of recent
attacks on the U.S., however, a vital question is being asked: Can our
current generation heed the call to duty as did their forefathers?

It's fair, and plainly obvious, to say, that our present crop of potential
warriors have not been honed into combat-ready vessels by such prior
toughening experiences as great depressions, tumultuous immigrations, or
previous world wars, and that if one were to nickname our current lot, "the
greatest" would not seem so appropriate an appellation as, perhaps, "the
snarkiest," or "the most ironic," or even "the most preoccupied with idiotic

But do not think that this will hamper our current war effort.

Make no mistake, our collective fascination with superfluous whimsy can and
will defeat our new foe.

Recognizing our special area of expertise Q as exemplified on a micro level
by the glut of self-aggrandizing, neo-hip, nonfunctional content-driven web
sites and on a macro level by the media-ready spectacle of confounding, non-
utilitarian deconstructionist festivals like The Burning Man Q and
acknowledging its uneasy fit into conventional methods of military strategy,
we are proud to unveil a new, revolutionary, deconstructionist wing of the
United States Armed Forces: The Alternative War Works (AWW).

Specializing in the newly developed arena of Non-lethal Obfuscation
Technologies (NOT), AWW aims to harness the creative fluidity and subversive
methodologies of Generations X, Y, Z to provide preemptory psychological
assaults upon targets of further military action.

The strategy of AWW is to discern and delineate the complex delusions,
cultural presuppositions, and rampant superstitions preoccupying our non-
media savvy Third-World foes. Due to their dictatorship-imposed lack of
exposure to Western culture and humor, enemies in poor and uneducated
countries are easily confused and/or swayed by unusual phenomenon. One only
needs look at the 1993 hysteria in Chongqing, China, where citizens were
somehow convinced that an American robot was stalking the countryside and
eating their children (this true mass frenzy is documented in the book China
Wakes : The Struggle for the Soul of a Rising Power, 1995, Vintage Books, by
New York Times correspondents Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn) to
understand that the lack of cynicism in oppressed cultures may be our
strongest weapon against them.

It is important that the American public understand AWW's methods, as they
are not intended to mock or dilute the more serious efforts of our armed
forces, but rather to create a theater of battle in which our soldiers can
more effectively destroy a disoriented and humiliated enemy. We at AWW
(a.k.a. "The Laffwaffe") wish to impress upon our nation's patriotic
warmongers that comedy, too, can be deadly, especially when least expected.

Therefore, AWW is planning to execute several classified operations (listed
below) meant to confuse and frighten the enemy, perhaps inciting massive
desertion and/or demoralization, just prior to our other divisions of armed
forces unleashing great and devastating harm upon them. The two key themes
of AWW's operations are misdirection and propaganda.


* Operation Fake Robots: Utilizing the virtuoso engineering skills of
participants in current television shows Battlebots, Robot Wars and Junkyard
Wars, and the pioneering efforts of the Survival Research Laboratory, AWW
plans to unleash hundreds of oversized, mostly harmless mechanized robots
into enemy camps, with the intent to spook the most fearful of their
soldiers and to confuse others who will probably expect these docile
inventions to attack them. The lasting effect of deploying this classic
comedic technique of cheated expectations in a wartime scenario, is to,
after the confusion wears off, lull our enemies into a false sense of our
military's technological failure, shortly after which they will be executed
with surgical and excruciating precision.

* Operation Pudding Missile: Similar to OFR, OPM will frighten,
misdirect, and stupefy our opponents. OPM involves the targeting of several
hundred ersatz missiles at strategic military sites. Although the missiles
will appear realistic harbingers of certain death, they will in fact be
vessels of delicious chocolate pudding encased in a hard, missile-shaped
candy shell. Much like the Harlem Globetrotters' time-tested switcheroo
between the buckets of water and confetti, OPM will intimidate our foes into
expecting the worst while generously sharing with them the western delight
of chocolatey goodness. As is obvious, OPM also achieves a humanitarian aid
in providing food to starving peoples, albeit a tactically nutrient-low

* Operation Tiny Paratroopers: The release of thousands of tiny
plastic toy paratroopers over enemy bunkers will needlessly provoke
opposition forces into an emergency defensive formation. Repeated false
alarms of this type will both tire and frustrate them.

* Operation Mammoth Clown Head: We at AWW can conjure no scarier image
than the specter of a 100-yard-wide clown head descending upon us from the
depths of outer space.


* Operation Big Mylar Balloon: In an age during which advertising
companies have contemplated projecting advertisements on the lunar surface,
we see the sky (often thought of by religious extremists as "heaven") as a
preeminent theater from which to disseminate subversive messages. AWW, with
the cooperation of our entertainment industry's most loyal propmasters and
visual-effects artists, has prepared several mile-wide stretches of luminous
Mylar fabric featuring "messages from Allah." These messages will stir
bewildered emotions in their audience, as slight misspellings in common
Koranic phrases will affect severe changes in interpretation. For example:

"Make ye no excuses: ye have rejected Faith after ye had accepted it. If We
pardon some of you, We will punish others amongst you, for that they are in

will be subtly changed to:

"Make ye no excuses: ye have rejected Oatmeal after ye had accepted it. If
We tickle some of you, We will massage others amongst you, for that they are
in soft pants."(9:66)

If, indeed, our objects of attack fuel their fight with religious fervor,
any success at mitigating their holy purpose will significantly aid our war
effort. (AWW is currently in negotiations with The Gideons for the purpose
of dispatching a Holy Ops squadron to continue this mission from the

* Operation Latent Consumerism: Staffed by media-saturated savants
with little real-world experience beyond what we see in films (in this case
that scene in Oliver Stone's Heaven and Earth (1993) in which Vietnamese
import Le Ly makes her first awestruck tour of an American supermarket), AWW
believes that the most intoxicating incentive for oppressed peoples to shake
off their shackles is the abundance of nonessential consumer goods available
in the free-market West. We will then litter our nemeses' homeland with
colorful ad inserts from our nation's many Sunday newspapers, luring them to
freedom via Best Buy and Walmart.

* Operation Your Leader is a Sex Toy: The only thing more tightly
wound than our enemy's turban is his repressed libido. The attack mode of
this operation is, in appropriately phallic terminology, two-pronged. The
first stage of OYLIAST is to litter the enemy's military centers with loose
pages torn from disreputable nudie magazines, such as Swank, Busty, and
Barely Legal. After giving these provocative pinups a few days' time to
implant and ferment themselves in the Holy Warriors' ripe imaginations, we
will then supply them with an airdrop of inflatable sex dolls affixed with
heads bearing the likeness of their military and religious leaders. This may
have little effect on any stage of actual combat, but it could be fun to

AWW is proud to assist in the United States' new war on terrorism. Although
our actual activity therein is of the utmost national security, we are
currently taking pre-orders for our retrospective video: The War on
Terrorism's Funniest Jokes and Blunders, due out soon. All proceeds will be
donated to the Red Cross.

To contribute ideas to the AWW war effort, please respond to this article by
clicking the button below.

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 2 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Fri, Oct 12, 2001 (19:49) * 19 lines 
by Salman Rushdie

"Suicidist assassins ram wide-bodied aircraft into
the World Trade Center and Pentagon and kill thousands of people: um, I'm
against that. But what are we for? What will we risk our lives to defend?
Can we unanimously concur that all the items in the above list -- yes,
even the short skirts and dancing -- are worth dying for?

The fundamentalist believes that we believe in nothing. In his world-view,
he has his absolute certainties, while we are sunk in sybaritic indulgences.
To prove him wrong, we must first know that he is wrong. We must agree on
what matters: kissing in public places, bacon sandwiches, disagreement,
cutting-edge fashion, literature, generosity, water, a more equitable
distribution of the world's resources, movies, music, freedom of thought,
beauty, love. These will be our weapons. Not by making war but by the
unafraid way we choose to live shall we defeat them.

How to defeat terrorism? Don't be terrorized. Don't let fear rule your
life. Even if you are scared.

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 3 of 10: Marcia  (MarciaH) * Fri, Oct 12, 2001 (21:02) * 1 lines 
If we give in to fear, they have won! I refuse to give up that easily. I refuse even more emphatically to allow them to make me a vicitm!

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 4 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sat, Oct 13, 2001 (07:52) * 8 lines 
These folks are definitely coping with their party near Ground Zero.

It's John Perry Barlow's blowout party.

Slides too.

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 5 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Oct 14, 2001 (23:56) * 12 lines 
Just took a long walk, first since New York where, were I resident, I'd stay spry relentlessly stalking its streets in search of minor epiphany. Elsewhere I tend to sit, stand, pace or recline. Stiffen and spread. Still sorely missing Ground Zero's environs during this supreme cultural transition; feeling like a bracero in a sombrero snoozing under a cactus arm while the sun settles in the west.

Imagine Giuliani rudely refusing ten million from an Arab for aid because of a political technicality. Must be hard enough to figure out what to do with the money already donated. Can't just put up a corncrib full of $5 bills and let the needy, ten at a time in an orderly line, fill an "I Love NY" shopping bag with as much as they can snatch in eleven seconds. Problem is somebody who didn't deserve it might slip in for an unjustified share. Or someone'd be sure to get back in line and go again. Spoil it for everybody. Otherwise they'd probably do it, right?
And rather than collecting all those $1 bills someone suggested be mailed by kids to the whitehouse to help the Afghan kids, rather than collecting, tallying, and banking all those wrinkled greenbacks, why don't they just load the letters unopened on a troop transport and drop 'em on Afghanistan? Probably because someone who shouldn't would grab a share. Those ones ruin it for everybody. Can't really do anything in a simple open-handed manner because of them. It's their fault nobody gets to eat.

And the giving heart of America gets frustrated because we do need to give: deep inside we know we've taken too much and want to balance it a bit. If I thought some refugee, whether in NY or points far east, would really get a full buck's worth of bang for each dollar I donated I'd empty my wallet right now. Swear to God! Hope my fellow citizens don't develop some kind of "angry wallet" syndrome over this. Confuse it with Anthrax.

from Robert Hunter's online journal.

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 6 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Fri, Oct 26, 2001 (14:06) * 46 lines 
by SWAMI Beyondananda-

1. Be a Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before the mental.
Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A
laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the
material world is to get more material. Have a good laugh-sitive twice a
day, and that will ensure regular-hilarity.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just for
entering -- so you are already a winner.

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is
where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we
don't like the programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel.

4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. And, no
matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you.

5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought
particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called
truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're
tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's
Absurdiveness Training class: "Don't get even, get odd."

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly
live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That
way, there'll surely be no madness on the planet. And peace begins with
each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the
peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.

7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if
you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a
fault, just don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train
the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news
and some good news. The bad news is -- there is no key to the Universe.
The good news is -- it has been left unlocked.

10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you
don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a
bureaucracy. So, we don't have to go through channels.

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 7 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sat, Nov  3, 2001 (20:32) * 22 lines 
Tastes Shift From Pate to Pot Pies

Consumers: Comfort foods rank high on many shopping lists these days,
as extravagances are cut.

Concerned about the weakening economy and their own security,
consumers are changing their eating habits--shifting from gourmet items
to less expensive comfort foods and from upscale restaurants to pizza

Supermarkets reported that sales of some high-end deli items and
expensive cuts of beef declined at the end of September, and sales of
comfort foods such as pancake mix, creamed corn, potatoes, peanut
butter and peas and carrots posted double-digit increases from the same
week last year, according to grocery data released this week by AC

more @

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 8 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Tue, Dec 11, 2001 (08:22) * 4 lines 
I heard about some surfers in Oahu who draped an American flag over a
surfboard with some candles and pushed it out in the ocean. The about 50
surfers surrounded the board and pushed it out to sea on September 14th
after a moment of silent prayer.

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 9 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Feb  3, 2002 (08:08) * 1 lines 
I've fallen to this trend only to some extent, I still like a good bottle of wine every now and then and good coffee is hard to forego. If I could only cut back on computer and internet expenses!

 Topic 47 of 96 [news]: coping with terrorism and a world gone to war
 Response 10 of 10: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Sep  8, 2002 (09:14) * 6 lines

This is phiolospher and art critic's latest column about art and 9/11,
especially he covers the memorials.

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